Fear and Lying about It

I suppose that
when you asked me what I’m most afraid of
that I said spiders
because I did not want to tell the truth.

It was like if I said it
I would breathe life into the fear
and suddenly, simple admission,
would make it reality.

Really, what I’m most afraid of
is losing my mind.
The breaking from what is real
to what is imagined
and never being able to tell these two apart.

This breaking-
something both my aunt and brother have gone through,
terrifies me.

What if one day everything I think
is based on a delusion?
Would I even know to feel the fear of insanity
over the fear of the dragon my mind has created-
the one only I can kill?

So that is what I fear most.
Spiders, in comparison,
seem like child’s play.

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