It happens every so often
that I will forget how life has changed
and I will look over at you and the kids
and smile at how happy we all are.
Then, I will remember that
we are all here together
because we can be no where else.
That we have been ordered to stay here,
together, until it is safe to go out again.
The weight of this idea
and the fact that I forgot
comes crashing into me
so much so
that I nearly lose sight of you
and the kids.
It reminds me of how
when someone dies
I have these moments of forgetting
they are gone.
The weight of grief crashes into me,
again knocking me off my feet
and it’s like I’m losing them for the first time.
At some point,
I stop forgetting they are gone
but it comes with the ever-present knowledge
they will never be back.
It makes me wonder if life will be like this forever
and if, in order to enjoy the moment of forgetting,
I have to let go of
the life I lived before.